This is the only place where you can get the Scottish referendum result before anyone actually votes. Let’s imagine Prince Charles reading it out, because he did such a great job lowering the flag in Hong Kong.
‘In favour of Scotland becoming an independent country: 2,087,387 votes.
‘In favour of Scotland remaining part of the UK: 2,081,903 votes.’
There is cheering and clapping. ‘This is a proud moment for Scotland,’ says Salmond. ‘Blah blah blah. Braveheart. Bannockburn. Yadda yadda. Jacobites. Culloden and the Duke of Cumberland.’
Then a small voice is heard. ‘Hold on, is that a one or a seven?’